When a Relationship Ends, How to Overcome the Feeling of Loss

We all have experienced an end to a relationship-whether it is a friend, life-partner, co-worker, or even ties with a family member. Overcoming the feeling of loss is always a challenge, and depending on the situation and your personality, the experience can take many different twists and turns before settling into a concluding sense of finality. I want to offer two strategies to employ when a relationship ends and you need to overcome the feeling of loss.

Self-Esteem and Stress Management

When we experience the end of a relationship, we also experience the pain associated with a sense of loss. An emptiness takes over. To counter-balance this sense of loss and remedy the pain, we need to find a greater purpose in our life. We need a reason and motivation, when we feel so depressed that we don?t even want to get out of bed, to bravely face another day. Focusing on our life purpose gives us the opportunity to put our life back in perspective and move forward.

When I have found myself experiencing a relationship break-up, I find my work in coaching to be very fulfilling. Writing for my stress management website and helping others solve life problems allow me to keep my self-esteem intact, provide a comfortable stress management strategy and help me keep my focus on people other than myself. Overcoming the feeling of loss also offers the opportunity for growth and self-improvement, if we use our minds and thoughts in a positive way.

The Mind is a Powerful Tool

Our mind has the power to create abundant good health when it is fed high quality, positive thoughts that promote our feelings of self-esteem. Conversely, negative thoughts or ?self-talk? encourage a downward spiraling of confidence and self-belief. We start to believe that we can?t accomplish certain goals or we are not worthy of achieving certain milestones. When a relationship ends, there is always a tendency for negative thoughts to cloud our perspective of reality. And the judgments we level against ourselves always seem to hurt the most!

When dealing with loss and the pain associated with it, we experience a variety of other emotions. With the end of a relationship, we often sense a loss of future dreams and plans. We feel a sense of sadness and it hurts. We may have a feeling of self-blame, blaming ourselves that we didn?t handle things well or we should have handled things differently. Somehow, the loss is our fault. We may feel guilty for losing the relationship, especially if we are the one who ended it.

Our mind?s perspective will be one of the most important tools in overcoming the sense of loss. Understanding that life changes are inevitable, and that everyone will experience the end to a relationship at some point in their lives, may help keep things in perspective, but it doesn?t provide comfort as we deal with the life transition.

Finding a greater purpose than ourselves and keeping our mind pumping out positive thoughts can fuel us toward recovery. Realizing that your self-esteem is still healthy, and enjoying a sense of relief that the pain is subsiding, can bring a ray of hope for a brighter, more fulfilling future. Learning from what we experience also provides us with a richer, more useful dose of wisdom to guide us in our next life chapter. The extra amount of grey hair I have acquired, I now can wear with pride, knowing I earned it honestly and can share the wiser perspectives with others.

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Ann Gatty

Ann Gatty, Ph.D. is a certified teacher, coach, author and organizational strategist. Dr. Gatty coaches women in stress management strategies, life skill development, and building life transitions to balance personal and professional goals. She?s worked with kids and adults in museums, classrooms, restaurants and boardrooms. She started her own retail business and consulting firm. Her foundational background in teaching gives Ann insights in creating solutions for individuals and teaching them how to balance professional and personal responsibilities. Ann dedicates her coaching practice to helping women, on-line and face-to-face, during their periods of life transition, maximizing their potential following their passions.

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